In order to learn to communicate better with the people around us, whether in our family, friends or at work, is to focus on these four principles:
External Observation:
We need to observe what is happening. What is it that we observe being said or done in the environment
Internal Observation- Emotion
We observe what is the emotion or feelings we feel in relation to what we observe being said and done
Needs
We identify what need is behind the feelings and try to express it as clearly as we can. It is very important to understand what our needs are in relation to the emotion we are feeling.
Request
We ask clearly what it is that we need done in relation to what is happening.
an example to understand this could be a mother and her teenage son.
She notices that he never picks up the clothes in his room and throws them all scattered around. The mother could say, when I see your room full of discarded clothes I get upset (Emotion) because I need to know which ones need washing (Need). Then she will express the specific request, i.e. ask e.g. could you put your unwashed clothes in the laundry bin in the bathroom?
These four elements, if we learn to express them and also to listen to them, are the beginning of a more emotional, non-judgmental and clear communication.
Source: “non-violent communication” Marshall Rosenbergask what it is that we need to happen in relation to what is happening.
@Discover Growth Therapy/ parent counseling
Georgia Kryparakou
Psychologist MSc-Psychotherapist
